EXTENDED! For how long we’re are not sure, get involved young ones.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have been informed by our contact Mr Grishenko under cover deep inside the Kremlin that today, the Soviet Union launched the first ever satellite into Space!
Known as “Sputnik” and launched from a secret station – the Baykonur Cosmodrome.
In this time of great excitement and anxiety the Hipstery is here to help. Anyone ordering today (8th October) will receive a special commemorative gift. Our standard checkout quiz has been replaced with a inter-galactic edition to test which of you knows your black hole, from asteroid number 134340.
One such gift is “future maps” (more commonly known as “Science Fiction” novels), working with our friends and co-conspirators Houdini Nation we’ve contacted many leading futurologists to make sure you are the first to know about the future, right here, right now, in the tedious present. These maps will guide you through the turbulence of the coming years of constant Soviet Government surveillance, Alien invasion, distant planet colonisation, moon nuclear weapon detonation and inter-species breeding.
(Artists impression of the Sputnik Satellite orbiting Earth)
While information about the Sputniks launch is scarce we promise you our intelligence is rock solid.
This launch further cements the superiority of the Socialist way of life Mr Grishenko had this to say about the launch “the new socialist society turns even the most daring of man’s dreams into a reality.” A representative from NASA could not be reached for comment, well unless you consider a mixture of yelping and “AH! RUN! The Soviets are coming! The Children, the Children” as intelligent commentary.
A landmark moment for this fledgling civilization we call Earth. With it, we usher in a new era of complete total surveillance. Sending this beacon out into space is like raising a giant flag to nearby civilisations who have been waiting patiently for us to become developed enough to be worth completely annihilating!
It’s now just a matter of time before our new alien overlords trip over this piece of spacejunk and drop by to squash us like the insignificant bugs we are.
On a related note I would like to be the first to welcome our new overlords and to promise them my body as a vessel for whatever unspeakable evil they wish to reign down upon us puny men.
So now signing off from Ground Control, even if you don’t, we know whose shirt you’ll wear, now take your protein pills and put your tin foil helmet on – the future is here.
