This is a portray of our latest FFF winner Marek who’s heart wrenchingly painful story a boy paralysed by fear of handkerchiefs won last weeks FFF prize. This is an interview with a twist. Right when you thought The Hipstery has become an Interview Journal until Willem has found a cosy cove in Germany’s melting pot of exertive idleness, capitol of the Jutebeutel (tote bag) Berlin, we tweak the show a bit and turn the lamp around. This time we not only ask Marek some questions, but he also asks us some. Could be fun. You decide.
Hipstery: Who are you, and what did you do right before answering to our questions?
Marek: Right, starting with an ‘easy’ question, I guess? I am a twenty-something student, stranded on this strange island called United Kingdom, doing a computing science degree, looking for cool new things like the Hipstery (wink) and occasionally writing traumatising stories from my childhood just to get a t-shirt.
And as for the second part of the question, I have just checked my bank account balance. I could swear I had more money! Well, I guess I gonna have to eat noodles and baked beans for the rest of the month. Hurray!
Q: How did you come across our lovely website and have you ordered with us already?
A: StumbleUpon ftw! I have ordered 2 ‘regular’ t-shirts, one outcast (which was awesome!) and a Valentine’s gift for my lovely girlfriend. That’s quite a lot… Damn you, the Hipstery! Now I know, why my bank statement is looking so poorly!
Q: You mentioned you are studying in the UK but you grew up in Poland. What can the Polish learn from the British, what can the British learn from the Polish?
A: Eee? English and Polish, respectively. I don’t know – originality and hospitality? I think we’re more welcoming than the British, but the streets in Poland may look a bit dull.
Q: When I started exploring the internets, I would hangout at strange places like this, this, this or this — what is the strangest website you have come across in the internet and why?
A: Seriously, these are really weird places, mate! I can’t think of any strange sites, but I do have some rather disturbing videos — like this, really catchy, mind you. And this. Ah — I know a SIIIICK place as well. That’s about it 
Q: Rikard loves milk. He really loves it. What do you love?
A: Ptasie Mleczko, pierogi ruskie and white chocolate with rice crisps and nuts. I-AM-HUNGRY!
Q: Mjam, I could have some pierogi now, too. Smacznego! Who is the most famous person you’ve met so far?
A: ABSOLUTELY NO ONE! If you know anyone, just send them my way, you know the address.
We definitely will, probably the next Mystery Package is delivered by the German Foreign minister Guido Westerwelle – if he finds your house (he is not so good with English).
A: And now, let’s turn the tables — a few questions for you, noble Hipstery scientists!
Marek: Airwolf or KITT? Or maybe McGyver? Or even the A Team?
Hipstery: Sorry, we feel more comfortable with the good old set of Bonanza,Gilligan’s Island and Lassie.
Marek: You have just won an Oscar — what would you say?
Hipstery: About time. What took you so, oh I mean – Thank you, thank you, thank you! We feel proud and are honored yet assured that we earn this prize. To follow the footsteps of Obama, of Mother Teresa, of Gandhi – it just feels so right. Of course we wouldn’t have thought that a simple concept like ours would make a difference, would make the world such a better place. But in the end it’s not us to judge about … wait … did you just say “Oscar”? This is not the Nobel prize? We are not in Stockholm?
Marek: The weirdest hobby/job you or one of your friends has?
Hipstery: Say no more.
Marek: Crunchy or smooth peanut butter?
Hipstery: Always crunchy peanut butter – until I noticed that I have this peanut allergy.
and lastly –
Marek: What was the proudest moment of your life/lives?
Hipstery: A difficult decision for a life so stuffed with blatant mediocrity. However, just recently one moment of excellent does shine bright in my memory. It followed a heated discussion with my wench, who will never admit that I am right about anything. Over one of her mediocre dinners we got on to a discussion about a recent newsarticle we’d both consumed in which a man poisoned his wife’s coffee in an attempt to eradicate her from his life so he could go copulate with his new mistress. I found it entirely plausible, however my wench could not fathom how its possible to drink coffee laced with such poison and not notice (she almost single-handledly keeps the coffee business in profit each year, she’s a connoisseur, only drinking fair trade, organic, bio, Nicaraguan, grown by monks, on the hills of a mythical city of gold). This got me thinking about that very expensive coffee Kopi Luwak which is actually coffee beans ingested and then defecated by cats. A plan began to form in my mind. Unfortunately I’m not a patient nor resourceful man, I have no cat and I don’t like coffee, so I wasn’t going to snack down on a big old bag of coffee beans. So I removed the unnecessary components of the Kopi Luwak business model – cats and coffee, leaving just excrement. Can you guess what I did next? Under the cover of kindness, when I next offered to make my wench her hourly coffee brew, I infused it with a little extra element of my own creation. Did she notice? Did she heck! Not a peep sounded from her about my poop. She sloshed it down with the usual vigour of an addict offered a fix. Later I confessed my crime, and it was, although admittedly after some reluctance, and my needing a visit to the local A&E department for the dressing of a head wound (a whole other not unrelated story of female vengeance) that she uttered those so sweet words I’d longed to here – “your were right”.
If it wasn’t that then its probably a few minutes back when we hypothetically won that Nobel Prize. Umm, I mean – the oscar. Good times….
